He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
