Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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