I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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