The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
