Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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