Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
