My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
