We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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