If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
