so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
that is very illegal...i love you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
