he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
