You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
