Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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