I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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