A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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