Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
