I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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