just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My bed smells like the plague
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
