Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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