WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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