There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
