People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
