Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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