Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize