This is not my ceiling
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
