I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
