Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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