i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
