Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
worst night to have a conscience
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
