i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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