Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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