God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
