It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
