I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
