hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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