so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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