Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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