babies were throwing up all over the place
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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