eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
