I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
