It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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