Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
