Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
