this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
