Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
