I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
