we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
