sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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