I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
