Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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