Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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