Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
