today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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