I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
