bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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