you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
