can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
