my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
