K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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