I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
