but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
