Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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