He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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