I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
