jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need to align my fucking chakras
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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