It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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