Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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