I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
