Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
