Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
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WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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