Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
