he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
