So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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