And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
