my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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