Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
