am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
