home. puking in laundry basket.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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