I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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