OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You took a bar mat shot.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
